Holistic Science Personal Experience-Avoiding clashes at home

Oct 21, 2013

Do I have to endure an unpleasant situation?

Does avoiding clashes mean that one has to endure every unpleasant situation that comes along? No, you do not have to endure, but find means to learn to resolve it with patience. 

Having said that, clashes with people will hurt you and others. Therefore, if you want happiness, make others happy.

What is Holistic Science?

It is a science of perpetual soul which makes us dive deeper within, thus making us become reflective. It leads us to eternal bliss.

When we know and understand this science as it is, our kashayas (anger, pride, deceit, and greed) begin to decrease and gradually disappear. Ultimately, it changes our beliefs, which leads to change in our behavior. There is a gradual change because changing one’s behavior and habit is not easy, especially as we get older. It is akin to learning to ride a bike. It takes time to take off the training wheels before we are confident enough to ride a bicycle. 

Personal Experience with In-Laws and Food after marriage

My in-laws love simple Indian food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner seven days a week; in fact, they have never cooked a non-Indian meal at home. We don’t even have bread and butter in the house except when required by certain Indian dishes such as Pav Bhaji (bread and vegetables). The menu for the week at our home used to be the same every week with different vegetables and extra spicy food. My in-laws do not like trying different ethnic cuisines.

My husband’s lunch gets packed by my mother in-law and he takes whatever food that is packed for him. What my mother-in-law doesn’t know is that he goes out to eat and he does not eat the food every day. My husband will throw the food out if he does not eat it, clean the container and bring it back home. 

As for me, before marriage, I use to eat Indian food once a day. I like Indian lentils more than vegetables. First, I thought to myself let me try to adjust to my in-laws and try eating Indian food twice a day.

I also decided to try other ethnic recipes so they can try and get accustomed to a variety of cuisines. However, when I bought groceries, my in-laws asked me what is all this stuff and where will we put it, since we have only one fridge and a small pantry.

Then I thought to myself that I should stop making other ethnic dishes since they don’t like me taking up any space in the pantry and fridge. Rather, I will eat out.  When I can’t eat the spicy food, I will just say I am not hungry and have milk and cereal when they go to sleep. Clearly what am I doing here is avoiding the situation.

My in-laws started worrying when I was eating out. They didn’t understand why I was spending so much money when home cooked food was available. They also stated that my husband doesn’t even like non-Indian food and I was forcing him to eat out.

Approaching the situation through Holistic Science

In-Laws’ beliefs:

  • They think their son never went to restaurants before he met me.
  • They think their son doesn’t like non-Indian food.
  • They have issues with cooking non-Indian food at home since they don’t like non-Indian food.

My beliefs:

  • Eating out is unhealthy and makes us gain weight.
  • Husband is the one taking me to try different restaurants.
  • Husband loves variety of cuisines.
  • I love cooking a variety of dishes.

Resolution

I decided to stop avoiding my in-laws and told them the cooked food is too spicy for me. I also told them that I like to cook different dishes and if we can rearrange the kitchen a little bit we can accommodate additional groceries. My husband decided to talk to his parents and tell them that he does like non-Indian food and he goes out to eat from work quite often. We decided to take turns cooking food and I can make both Indian and non-Indian to accommodate both parties.

Conclusion

From the holistic perspective, I learned to stop avoiding people and situations. When I talked to my in-laws in a peaceful and loving manner, all parties were happy. The resolution has made my family happy and harmony is being maintained through these principles.

Dr. Bhumika Patel (Chicago)