Secrets of Holistic Living: Defense or Safety

Jun 03, 2018

When some-body makes a mistake of hurting us or harming our possessions through oversight - sometimes even deliberately, we immediately lose our temper, speak harsh words, keep on reminding the party concerned that you made this mistake and so much harm has come to me because of this mistake etc. Such defending action from our side tantamount to offending the other person, who in turn returns to us similar reaction creating a beginning of a vicious cycle.

We should have proactively defended ourselves from outcome of the vicious chain of offending and defending by either controlling our temper in the first place or gracefully accepting the happening with equanimity. This is the real defense. It conserves our energy from being wasted on getting entangled in to the vicious cycle. Further, loving and soothing words from us to the other party will protect him or her from adversarial brooding or becoming negative.

At
Home: Whenever a house-maid or servant is not coming in time properly, sometimes not attentive to work, firing him might not serve the purpose. There are chances, he will not improve or he will leave the job and we will get somebody worse than him that too after a gap of inconvenience to all members of family. This chain reaction will ultimately make a negative effect upon our homely routine and even health. Best defense in such case is to politely persuade her or him, demonstrating by doing the work ourselves and wait patiently till things improve.

In case, out of old habit, we lose our temper we must apologize during meditation to undo the offence. In that case all divine faculties will progressively come to our aid to restore health and make life peaceful.

In
Business: We try to defend our business by cunningly out-witting a competitor or grab the order by bribing agent of the purchaser or commit execution of work-order within tighter schedules for completing the job earlier in haste. Usually the money earned this way is lost in labour strikes /unrest/ sickness (due to overburden)/rejection of goods due to inferior quality, dislocation of the plant /services (due to overload) etc. Best defense is righteousness and wishing well of all our employees and other parties including those who are against us or trying to harm us and one may see that miraculous results will be achieved.

With
beggars / person seeking alms: If a man comes to our house asking for food or money, do not doubt his bonafides. Give him something whatever little we can and nature will take care of the rest. This is our defense.

There are situations like being persuaded by beggars / other persons seeking alms, where the defense is to silently bow before the divinity within him. This will prevent the feeling of resentment emerging in us. Payment to the beggar is not very important per se, if you are unwilling to donate. Defense here is to salute the divinity within him and if at all we give something or pay some money, we should do it with reverence and gratitude. In nature, there is no single sided transaction, hence be mindful that blessed we are since he gave us a chance to exercise our charity and feel moments of gracefulness and fulfilment.

Noise
: If the situation outside is noisy, as it is during Diwali /festivals/processions, do not get irritated; just think of the pleasure others are having. Slowly you will find that noise does not disturb you; you are only aware of the noise and silence. This is your personal defense.

Dealing with
naughtiness of Children: It is their birth right to make the things topsy-turvy, play with gadgets with their curiosity, disturb us when we are working, sometimes stop us from working by asking us to play with them etc. Know and realise for sure that you are over-working, your nerves are tense and child is the God's representative to give you a signal to take a pause and relax. If this signal is not heard, doctor will give us bed-rest for two or more weeks!

With
Spouse: Best defense against our spouse is never to offend her or him. True love is the most difficult thing to develop. What we ordinarily understand as loving our wife/husband is in fact an attachment or commitment. Real love consists accepting the spouse as it is without argument/ without reason and slowly persuade her or him to do certain things we believe correct. Be aware that many of the times what we believe to be correct is not correct.

Although defending ourselves is needed in life, many a times what actually happens is offending to others which initiate a chain of boomeranging.  Due to illusory belief, it appears as if we were defending ourselves but unmindfully it triggers offensiveness in others and generates a cyclical chain of pains. Wisdom lies in developing equanimity as an effective defense mechanism in the long run.

Book excerpt from "Secrets of Holistic Living" by Shri Jayantilal Shah
Published by:
Vasant U. Patel, President
Vitrag Vignan Charitable Research Foundation