Secrets of Holistic Living: Human Relations

Jan 27, 2020
Complementary Nature of Human Relationships :
During our Satsang with Dada Bhagwan, one day we hit upon this subject of complementary nature of human relationships. In short, what he wanted to say was that whenever human beings come together, may be in small groups like family, neighborsor business partners, the people living together will have different temperaments, abilities and emotions. There is a spiritual law governing this relationship; the natural law states that, ‘a weak point of one in a relationship will be complemented by a strong point of the other and vice versa.’ 

An untrained mind always looks at the weak or negative side of the other partner and thereby magnifies those qualities which results in friction, quarrel etc. However, if the mind is trained comprehending this law we can meditate on the positive side of the other and as a result we would cherish mutual love, harmony, peace and creativity.

Ego - The origin of Conflict in Relationships:
Everyone possesses ego in some measure. In present times, most of the people have strongly developed ego systems difficult to control. This ego is at times over-developed, expressed, or otherwise latent or suppressed. It leads to strong sense of possession and emotional disturbances. It also leads to conflict, harsh words, selfish behavior, erratic nature and consequent loss of peace, wealth and health.

If human beings are taught how to tolerate dominance of the other partner, meditate how to develop the totality of acceptance, then the world would be divine. Tolerance does not mean suppression, but it means intelligent understanding and adjustment with egoistic partner.

There is a law in nature that negative charge attracts positive charge and similar law is always operating when two people come together. Initially there are turmoil’s in any close relationship whether it be married couples, father-son, mother-in-law – daughter-in-law, two brothers or business partners etc. This is essentially due to the fact that one partner expects the other to have the same qualities as he or she has and cannot understand why this is not so. This results in unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings. Patience and tolerance over a period of time will lead to settling down with happy relationships. 

If this law of complementary relationships is taught initially as a part of inter-personal relationship, considerable waste of energy can be saved.

Dealing with Children: 
Husband-wife relationship when properly adjusted becomes a profound positive influence on children. The restlessness of children is converted into peaceful constructive energy and they become better citizens of their country.

Dealing with Old and Sick: 
There will be no family where there will be no old and sick people and one has to learn how to deal with them. Generally old people have plenty of wisdom and maturity and in these days when both husband and wife are working, the old people contribute considerably in looking after home and the children; but a time comes when they also become sick, sometimes develop an erratic temperament and one has to understand that this is the time when one needs to practice enhanced equanimity while serving the parents.

Wherever human beings work together in a family or a business office, discipline becomes an unavoidable since without it there might be chaos. But discipline cannot be enforced, we have to live a self-disciplined life ourselves and slowly persuade others to do so. At times, one has to be harsh without being bitter. Understanding and practice of this law acts as a lubricant in enforcing discipline in family and office.

Controlling Impulse: 
For practicing this law of complementary relations, it is necessary to control the impulse of anger, jealousy, strong possessiveness etc. The mind also should be tamed not to react with adverse situation but to change it with love, perseverance and humility. Introspection of one’s own behavior will help in controlling impulse. Ultimately the law of love will prevail.

Positive Thinking: 
Left to itself, the mind always tends to observe and think what is wrong with the society, with the Government, the locality, neighbors and family members. If we look closely there are so many positive things happening - widening of roads, increasing of water supply, accommodations, jobs, infrastructure, cleanliness, education, rural development and so on. The mind which is trained to think positively will be able to practice law of complementary relations easily and set an example to so many others to change their lives.

J. Krishnamurthy has said that humility is not social etiquette. Usually people practice humility by being nice to other people in talking, sometimes during a party, dinner, looking after their minor needs or talking pleasantly on telephone etc. They remain in illusion that they are decent human people. However, humility is to be practiced at a deeper level of consciousness and consists of serenity and genuine love towards all those with whom we deal. It also has an attitude to share with others whatever he or she has. This quality also requires training of the mind.

A human being can be considered evolved only when he or she can control his temper under adverse situations, resolve problems and situations amicably, is able to let go many things which are called personal and only use the tool of love, cheerfulness, equanimity, forgiveness, adjustment and magnanimity in dealing with others.

Widening the Consciousness: 
Once we have learnt this law of complementary relationships and consequent adjustments then it would be easy to deal with a larger group say children, parents, neighbors, partners etc. We can apply this law to large number of people working together anywhere. Ultimately, this leads to the widening of our consciousness to infinity.

Book excerpt from "Secrets of Holistic Living" by Shri Jayantilal Shah 
Published by:
Vasant U. Patel, President
Vitrag Vignan Charitable Research Foundation